I completed 36 years of my existence on this earth this June end. While my blog is all about happy things and I pro actively try to keep everything on a positive note, sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be lying. Actually I was listening to a podcast by a keynote speaker (Sina Port, if you are interested) and she  emphasised on the fact that as a content creator, we should be "honest" to our audience. Because that is how our audience gets connected to us. While I, myself, don't like consuming too much "relatable content", like the struggles of motherhood and marriage. This is because personally I think that if I am spending my time on screen, it would rather be something that inspires me and not make me wail further. And secondly, a mom influencer whom I really admire (Brooke Raybould) had mentioned a number of time that watching such kind of content has scientifically proven to demotivate us and hence not conducive to our growth.

Don't get me wrong. I am forced to watch such content+ cringe ones (couple humour and tiffs with in laws et al) from time to time via the endless reels that my friends forward to me. Although they never "like" any post of mine; which is a different context altogether, which I am sure we all creators would be able to relate. 

Cutting to the chase, why I started rambling in the very first place was to rant out my findings from my 36 years of breathing and learning on this planet. I have been counselling people since I was very young (high school) and hence it's the favourite part of my medical practice. As I became professionally skilled, my counselling became of course more result oriented and effective, however I haven't been able to implement it on myself. That's understandable because even a shrink has a shrink. However I haven't reached out to any professional help till now because I never got the opportunity to. So long story short, I have diagnosed myself as having a mid life crisis.

Most people with emotions ( not those who are on auto pilot mode like my father, husband, etc) go through such crisis at one point of time or another. My struggles have been multiplying over the years: managing household single handedly (because it's a patriarchal society and husband is too busy with his career), demands of growing children, my struggle with forever increasing weight and dissatisfaction with my profession(s). Maybe this is just a phase (for more than 6 years if I recall) or maybe life is going to remain like this. Maybe I will learn to deal with my crises in a better manner over time or maybe I will lose my sh*t at the end of the day. Sometimes the future looks very bleak. However I have managed to finally find the purpose of my life.

I had been struggling with my ultimate goal for quite sometime but thankfully I have realised that the only thing that would keep me going are my two girls. Their proper upbringing and nurturing them into kind, happy human beings is the ultimate purpose of my life. 

There I have said it. Putting these thoughts out in the world so that I can hold myself accountable. Wow this felt great! Just like good old blogging days where we used to share our joys and sorrows with our readers. 

PS My ultimate finding has been that social media is a myth, the greatest facade. Never compare your life with someone else's SM image nor judge anyone by their feed. That's all for today.

 This post was created for the Blogaberry Creative (Monthly) Challenge.