The title of my today's post would intimidate most of my readers, I am sure. Before you start feeling sorry for me and offer me condolences, let me clarify that I am not dealing with grief right now, but it's the first time in 5 years that I actually have the courage to speak about my loss.

I am single child who has been raised 1500 kms away from her hometown, only parents in the name of her family. All my paternal cousins are single child too, but they all have grown up together, in one large joint family. The reason behind this entire saga is to establish that I am far from close to my extended family barring two cousins and an uncle; my parents have been my entire world. 

My father is the 2 nd of four brothers s and 3 sisters. Since childhood, I have been closest to my youngest uncle, who happened to be the youngest of his siblings. My Choto Kaku (paternal uncle in Bengali) was the only figure who I could count upon, other than my parents. My parents have been overprotective of me throughout my life; I had never lived in a hostel and the only time I stayed without my parents before marriage was at my choto kaku kakima's home; after my final year exams of medicine. What I want to convey is that he was the next father figure of my life; something that I am truly grateful for.

My Choto Kaku passed away on 1st May 2020. I know it was the peak of COVID death season; amidst the country wide lockdown. But he didn't die of COVID, he was suffering from Miliary Tuberculosis for a few years now, and he finally breathed his last. He was my father's favourite person, after his mom and as destiny would have it, we couldn't travel to attend his funeral; owing to the nationwide lockdown.

When I got the message of his last breath, I couldn't believe my ears. He was only 50, and I expected him to be with us forever. The saddest part? He never got to meet my kids, because our schedules were too hectic to plan a trip to Bengal, in place of an overseas vacation. 

It took me 5 years to acknowledge his absence. How I wish I took my daughters to meet him. They will never get to know what gem of a person he was, he was as loving as my father, the person to love my girls the most in this world, undoubtedly. A slew of deaths amongst my known ones this year has made me realise one thing. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to keep grudges, because life is damn short. I want to forgive and move forward. Because life never gives you a chance for remorse.

I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z